Friday, 10 April 2009

Two Women Chatting in the Waiting Room at the Doctors'

Look at this bloody advert, 'ere, d'yer know what, it meks me bloody sick.

Why, what is it?  What's wrong with it?

These big drug comp'nies, right, yer see their adverts everywhere fer supplements fer yer bloody joints an' yer bloody teeth and to reverse the bloody ageing process.  I bet the cheeky buggers're payin' off the entire bloody media fer the recommendation.  They're in every bloody magazine yer read from bloody 'Eat to bloody Vogue, 'n what's this?  Bloody thing out one o' t'bloody newspeppers!  Pregnant women'll think if they dunt tek all these supplements fer every stage o' yer bloody pregnancy, yer bebby'll be born deformed and yer'll poison it to death wi' yer bloody breast milk.  'N bloody Social Services and the police'll be after yer 'cos yer killed yer kid.

Aye, yer prob'ly right 'n all.  It were on'y saying in t'pepper t'other day about 'ow they reckon these drug comp'nies're doin' a deal wi'the doctors to overprescribe the patients so they can get more money out the NHS.  'Cos 'oo gets it free anyway?  Pregnant women, old folk 'n kids, 'n that's 'oo they targetin'.  All comes out tax-payers' money 'n all.  Chloe, 'ow many times've I told yer not to play in t'bloody bin!  Come 'ere, let me wipe yer 'ands.  No wonder yer bloody ill.

Playin' in the bins, eh, yer wanna watch 'er, she'll be t'new Tracey Emin.  Eh, look!  That boy's boots 'n coffee cup're t'same colour as t'bloody birthmark on my bebby grandson's face.  D'yer know what, I should sue t'bloody lorruv 'em.  Don't worry, love, t'int your fault.  'Ts these bloody drug comp'nies, bloody crooks, the lorruv 'em!  No better'n them bloody cocaine dealers in bloody J'mekker or wherever.  No offence, love.  Whe'yer from anyway?

Well I was born here, but my family do originate from Jamaica.

Ooh, yer see wharrappens when y'open yer gob!  Dunt worry 'bout 'er, she dunt know what she's sayin'!  Shudder tekken'er bloody supplements 'gainst bloody Alzheimer's, shunt she!

Eh, gerroff, you!  I wunt to know, was I? [sic]

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