Thursday, 10 February 2011

12-Pages: Windows

Smartphones: To access this and previous issues of 12-Pages, please click here.

Trainer Guy

For 12-Pages Issue Three: Windows

22nblk: no, but my conductors fucking stink
tite4u: like rancid bad?
22nblk: give it six months
tite4u: dude can i get my face deep inside ur conductors?
22nblk: the opening is huge so they'd be ideal for pushing right in your face
tite4u: wud u be up forthat?
22nblk: sure. don't know how I'm gonna fit all this into a rape scene though
tite4u: wud u then be up for using some like duct/gaffer tape around em n my head to keep it there?
22nblk: yeah, saw a pic like that recently and it gave me ideas
tite4u: wat ideas it give u dude?
22nblk: taping my shoe to your face and binding you while I do whatever the fuck i want
tite4u: sounds fuckin good to me :) wanna do that to me?
22nblk: yeah i wanna do that to you. there can be nothing more humiliating for a sub than to have his master's shoe glued to his nose and mouth, breathing his foot smell
tite4u: exactly u cud put tape around the opening n face too so i really cudnt breathe nethin other than thru ur conductor taking in ur foot smell, if u wanna, like a gas mask but with ur conductor n sweaty foot smell heh
22nblk: exactly
tite4u: u serious up for that?
22nblk: yes
tite4u: ever wear em barefoot?
22nblk: no i always wear socks
tite4u: cool cud stick ur sweaty sock in my mouth b4 u tape conductor up? so im gagged
22nblk: don't wanna suffocate you, so we might have to install a stop signal
tite4u: thats cool wud be hot to breathe nothin but ur foot smell n all air thru ur conductor
22nblk: cool
tite4u: wat wud u do with the other 1 ?
22nblk: foot fuck u ;-)
tite4u: heh wat u mean?
22nblk: push it in your hole
tite4u: lol ur conductor? no way
22nblk: joking. I dunno.
tite4u: heh u wanna wear a pair as u rape me?
22nblk: sure. what colour are your new dunks?
tite4u: ones i got 2day are black with yellow swoosh n other bits, white sole, hi
22nblk: cool. i want a pair all in black, no other colours, hi of course, low dunks are shit
tite4u: y black?
22nblk: cos they look cool
tite4u: nice can i get u a pair like that if we get on n go regular?
22nblk: that would be cool
tite4u: dude they are on fire
22nblk: to wear with an army surplus jumper & skinny jeans, bomber jacket and cap/beanie. sick
tite4u: fuck man with loose dunks n tongue forward?
22nblk: yeah man, jeans gotta be tucked in to show off the whole hi top
tite4u: shit that wud be a hot as fuck set up. that how u wear ur conductors n reebs?
22nblk: yeah
tite4u: man u r on fire dude :) wanna get u them dunks bad now lol
22nblk: looking at those dunks makes me realise how much I need several new pairs of trainers
tite4u: lol i get that all time. wanna fuck in exchange for new trainers? lol
22nblk: sounds good to me, they normally cost around about what i charge for an hour anyway
tite4u: wat is ur rate dude?
22nblk: £80p/h. Pair of dunks £60. Bargain
tite4u: :) u only do outcalls?
22nblk: usually
tite4u: where inlondon are u?
22nblk: north. i live with four other people so can be difficult to accommodate, particularly if the client is getting raped – my housemates might not understand that
tite4u: heh is cool u travel outta london?
22nblk: yeah, no problem. I just asked for train travel costs to be reimbursed
tite4u: thats cool am in derby here trains go direct from kings x takes bout 2hrs that ok?
22nblk: cool, just say when
tite4u: u cud wear ur conductors here n by time u get here theyll be real hot n sweaty?
22nblk: yep
tite4u: cud u bring other pairs too?
22nblk: can bring reeboks, zx500s & black DMs if you want. Converse too fragile to travel, lol
tite4u: heh those 3 pairs plus ur conductors wud be HOT :) which u wanna wwear as u rape me?
22nblk: black DMs. Conductors only other suitable pair for fucking in. Guys look stupid naked wearing low trainers
tite4u: hah i agree. u wanna wear a pairof mine?
22nblk: Pair of yours would be cool. Could choose whether to cum in them or on you
tite4u: like spunk my dunks up?
22nblk: yeah
tite4u: wud u find that hot?
22nblk: yeah
tite4u: like over it or inside it?
22nblk: inside
tite4u: dont wanna see ur load creamed all over the hitop?
22nblk: if we go regular we can mix it up. you scared of me cumming in your shoe?
tite4u: nah dude wud be hot :) u shoot big loads??
22nblk: yes
tite4u: so wud proper cum up the inside of my dunk? 
22nblk: yeah mate
tite4u: wud u want it left there to soak into em or wipe it out after?
22nblk: keep me inside em
tite4u: mark ur territory ;)
22nblk: you got it mate
tite4u: hey i havent even taken em out the box yet here, u want me to keep em box fresh for u? so u can be first to put em on?
22nblk: cool
tite4u: wanna do that or prefer em just loose n left nearby?
22nblk: you're a patient guy. as soon as i get new trainers i can't wait to get them on my feet. keep them in the box
tite4u: heh well i opened it to check em but not worn em yet - they still got the laces bunched n the cardboard inside em lol that ok?
22nblk: yeah, and i'll lace them up the way i want to wear them while i'm fucking you
tite4u: sounds cool :) wud u sign or tag em?
22nblk: sure
tite4u: whereabouts u wanna do that? permanent marker?
22nblk: permanent marker, somewhere around the heel
tite4u: they are all black tho apart from toe n swoosh, black marker on black ok or u wanna sign the yellow? these are them
22nblk: i'll customise the swoosh
tite4u: with ur name?
22nblk: there's plenty of yellow to be defaced. i'll decide what to write
tite4u: u wanna proper go to town with pen on em or just ur name?
22nblk: i didn't say I was gonna write my name. maybe I'll write yours - my bitch
tite4u: lol ud write "bitch" on me dunks??
22nblk: I could write JOHN'S BITCH
tite4u: lol for real??
22nblk: You wouldn't be able to wear them out would you? You've got lots of other trainers to wear though. You scared of everyone knowing you're JOHN’S BITCH?
tite4u: heh true wud u want me to wear em out tho?
22nblk: I'll let you wear em out with JOHN on the back of each, a john being someone who cruises prostitutes
tite4u: nice make sure everyone knows im a john - like across the back or down the spine?
22nblk: Across the back would look best
tite4u: in big capitals or just little?
22nblk: big
tite4u: cool but that only thing ud do to em?
22nblk: Apart from wank and cum in them and sign them JOHN?
tite4u: yer lol that all?
22nblk: Steal them?
tite4u: ud do that? but they a 10?
22nblk: Sell them
tite4u: with JOHN on them? lol
22nblk: I'd get more than I paid for them, lol
tite4u: lol true, u wanna do that for real?
22nblk: nah, too much hassle. would be funny if someone bought them though
tite4u: lol true true - wud u mark em before u wore em or after uve fucked me in em?
22nblk: maybe i should sign them and put them on your feet while I'm fucking you
tite4u: that cud be hot, label me as a fucking john ?
22nblk: yeah. we haven't talked about what you're gonna wear yet
tite4u: wat do u want me in?
22nblk: dunks and a jock
tite4u: i dont have a jock :(
22nblk: what size are you?
tite4u: med/large
22nblk: maybe i'll make you squeeze into my small jock
tite4u: nice naked just in jock n dunks?
22nblk: do you wear trackies
tite4u: yer got 3 pairs
22nblk: what colours
tite4u: black with white adidas 3 stripe n grey with white adidas 3 stripe and nike grey sweatpants
22nblk: grey trackies are FUCKING HORNY. want you wearing them when we meet
tite4u: no probs :) nethin else?
22nblk: would you describe yourself as a chav?
tite4u: err kinda lol i dress that way a lot
22nblk: do you wear a chain?
tite4u: nope been thinkin of gettin a thick gold or silver 1 tho y?
22nblk: chains look hot with the chav look, always gold
tite4u: want me to get a cheap 1 from like argos or somethin b4 we meet?
22nblk: lol yes, and a sovereign ring
tite4u: heh np - here a question for ya - wat u wnt me wearin wen i pick u up at station?
22nblk: hoodie, trackies, dunks, cap
tite4u: new dunks or 1 of my other pairs?
22nblk: Might be cool to wear the new ones
tite4u: even tho it means u wont get firstwear?
22nblk: Yeah, I wanna take your pristine dunks off you and deface them, like taking your virginity
tite4u: nice :) want me wearing ne underwear or sox wen i meet u at station?
22nblk: no underwear, wanna see your dick moving about in the trackies. Wear white socks
tite4u: nice tuck trackies into sox or trackies inside the dunks?
22nblk: trackies inside socks inside dunks
tite4u: cool :) u into piss?
22nblk: i was wondering whether you might ask me about that
tite4u: haha are ya?
22nblk: it was one of the things i was considering doing to your dunks
tite4u: pissing in em?
22nblk: yep
tite4u: u def shud
22nblk: or over your feet while you were wearing them
tite4u: i had an idea, not sure if ud be up for it tho, wen we meet at station go to toilets n pass u dunks under cubicle n u piss in em both then pass em bk n i wear em or stand at urinal n u just piss then get  it over em - ne good or too risky?
22nblk: are you serious about all this?
tite4u: i am 110% up for all of this dude, are u?
22nblk: Yeah m8, everything
tite4u: sweet as :) cud  usend me those pics of ur in ur reebs n conductors pls dude?
22nblk: either one of those piss ideas would be cool
tite4u: which wud u find more horny?
22nblk: if we went to some dirty, dingy cottage-style toilets somewhere i could just stand at a urinal and piss on your dunks - that would be horny
tite4u: just all over the fronts of em?
22nblk: i could piss all down the front of your trackies too, make it look like you wet yourself. would be humiliating for you
tite4u: u serious?
22nblk: yes
tite4u: wud be v hot n i know some toilets we cud do it at - u proper into humiliation?
22nblk: not especially, but it seems our chemistry's heading in that direction
tite4u: was just thinking u cud tell me to lick some of the piss of the toilet floor after if u wanted to go that far? or not into that?
22nblk: i've done all this before mate, nothing fazes me
tite4u: so ud tell me to lick ur piss off the toilet floor?
22nblk: all around where you were standing. i wouldn't be kissing you after that though
tite4u: heh wud u prefer me not to n for us to kiss or watch me lick tha up?
22nblk: i might want to taste your mouth at some stage, and anyway, we don't have to do everything at the same time. what car do you drive?
tite4u: bmw fella
22nblk: which model?
tite4u: 1 series
22nblk: ever been fucked in it?
tite4u: nope....
22nblk: wanna be?
tite4u: def mate, u lke that?
22nblk: love it
tite4u: fucked in a 1 series b4? heh
22nblk: never fucked in a BMW
tite4u: pop ur cherry den ;) how do u  fuck in a car? it aint biggest place in der world
22nblk: will be hot just trying to find a way, turning your ass over and pulling down your trackies, forcing it in
tite4u: def up for that man :) u wanna do this b4 we go bk to mine?
22nblk: yes
tite4u: so ull fuck me first time in me car?
22nblk: just to taste. i'll ask you to drive somewhere secluded. how tall are you?
tite4u: 5ft10 y?
22nblk: what kind of build?
tite4u: average, not fat, not thin, not defined or nethin. that ok?
22nblk: shouldn't be too much of a problem doing you on the back seat then
tite4u: like me kneeling on back seat lookin out bk window?
22nblk: it won't be that comfortable
tite4u: heh wat u got in mind then?
22nblk: something a bit more forced. just wanna pull down your trackies any way and fuck you
tite4u: u still want me to breathe thru ur conducor n tie me hands in car or not that for car?
22nblk: nah that shit can be saved for your place. you live on your own?
tite4u: nah i share but place is free in day. wud u wanna cum from fuckin in the car or just get ur dick in me n fuk for a bit, then pull out without cummin n go bk to my place?
22nblk: dunno, depends how hot your ass is
tite4u: if u cum in car, want me to eat ur cum outta the rubber after?
22nblk: yeah that would be hot. you're a fucking dirty cunt. nothing's beyond you
tite4u: heh yer i am, is that a prob? 
22nblk: you'd eat my shit if i told you to, wouldn't you?

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Retrieved: Waking Dream

It’s funny; I had a dream about Levi Duckett (who is married to Jael Gandy, oh my God. Poor girl – I wonder what she thought when she saw his little dick (no sex before marriage. I would hope that more sensible couples would reveal themselves to each other from a distance, across a room, so as to know what each is letting the other in for, before committing to a lifelong partnership. Sarai, her twin, is the lucky one; Joseph Thompson, Levi’s mixed-race, same-age nephew, probably has a schlong the size of a hot dog)). Levi was cutting his wet hair with clippers, and I think I borrowed the same ones to shave down my afro. We seemed to be in my parents’ house circa 1985, but were both in our twenties. The clippers, with their extraordinarily long cable, were plugged into a socket in my parents’ bedroom, which had that familiar, sickly smell of my mother’s hair products, congealed with my father’s acrid Sunday morning body odour, while we cut our hair at the bottom of the stairs. The bed had not been made.

Levi seemed to be churning his not-overtly-thick hair up horribly. I worried what people would think of us sitting together at the Kingdom Hall, especially Levi’s aristocratically angular and beautiful sister Kasha, both with our disastrous haircuts. Levi then went to start his car, or something, and accidentally locked himself out. The rose bush out front was full of red flowers and it was my parents’ old front door that I opened to him.

I also remember being outside, lying down in the street, where there were plastic bins all around with their lids open, and I was actually licking one. A small green van came round to douse all the bin lids in a substance that obliterated germs but I’d already ingested all such gremlins into my system. I began to be very worried.

Even though I hated him perhaps more, deep down I quite fancied Levi Duckett, or at least what he represented. His family were the most solid and deep-rooted I had grown up with, arguably apart from the Dellers, who were spread very thinly. Garth and Katharine Duckett were the old King and Queen of the district; Katharine’s mother Mathilda was the Queen mother, and they had seven children who remained close to them and never strayed from the organisation. To marry into the Ducketts was basically to guarantee yourself everlasting life, for only the most upstanding spiritual characters would get past Garth Duckett to one of his five daughters in the first place.

There is something very 1950s-husband about him, which I find attractive if only because it upholds a traditional aspect of manliness. He is the sort of guy who would get up in the morning and expect his breakfast to be laid out on the table by his wife. He would then kiss her on the mouth and pat her bottom before going to work with a packed lunch, unless he lives within reasonable driving distance from work, in which case he would come home for lunch, which he would expect to be laid out on the table, and when he is finished, a ten-minute ravishing of his rosy little wife would ensue before he waved her goodbye upon jumping back in the car.

When he arrives home from work, he expects his dinner to be laid out on the table, and his slippers and newspaper ready. He will then proceed to spend the rest of the evening with one eye and ear on the TV as his wife gossips incessantly about the banality of the day’s events, before taking her to bed and rendering her inarticulate beyond staccato gasps and screams, on those days when he doesn’t go to the pub with his cousins Joseph and Malachi.

I don’t fancy Levi Duckett because I want to be his housewife. Indeed, I don’t think his dick would be big enough even to have an affair with; indeed, from what I’ve seen, I hope for both his and his wife’s sakes it’s a grower. But I wouldn’t mind having an affair on that ass one day, when he takes an afternoon off from work to come and see me. My dream of him is all the more strange as, looking through my calendar this morning to see which events I have coming up, I skipped past his birthday, April 26, which is in five days’ time. He will be 27, as I will be next month. We’re not quite old enough to have an affair yet. I think when we’re both 37 or 38, would be the ideal time. I’ll be well-kept and handsome; he’ll have come into his age beautifully. He does have a sweet, blue-eyed, cherubic face, unless he’s allowed it to slip. I haven’t seen him for close to ten years. He’s certainly better looking than his brother Vedran (where do they get these names from?) anyway, whom all the fourteen year old girls in our year group might have been hot over (surely they must have wondered why, living next door to the school, he wasn’t picking them off one by one, but there you go, it seems that if you want it too much you never get it), but to my eyes he resembled Sylvester Stallone with the silly lip but minus the raging muscles. Don’t get me wrong, he was very good looking in a toned, wiry, tall and dark kind of way, but give him a wife and he’ll end up a barrel, albeit a snarling barrel with huge balls, just like his father.

There was always something slightly mad about Levi’s character too. He was by no means the godliest of all His children. He hung out with the thugs at school, and only because they thought I was his cousin was I spared the full gamut of the bullys' wrath. I often had to explain to people that I wasn’t his cousin, but that our parents had been friends since we were little kids. His mother ‘studied’ mine, as the Witnesses would put it. I actually lived there with them for a little while; I remember it as four weeks but it was probably more like four days, when my mother was close to giving birth to the twins, and the happiest years of my life ended. I can picture Ruth’s cherubic little face and baldish head right as I write, but for now I have to use the bathroom before The Beast gets there first. Another story.

Retrieved: Waking Thoughts - The Meaning of Beauty




I have discovered the meaning of beauty in two things - a chord from Joy Division's "Disorder", and the name of Celia-Jane Ukwenya.

The former is probably my favourite song of all time already in its Martin Hannett-produced, bassy, whooshy, spacey Unknown Pleasures splendour, but the chord I refer to, the greatest moment in the entire recorded history of Joy Division as far as I've heard, opens a seven-second tune-up before the soundcheck of "Disorder" on the live CD accompanying the 2007 deluxe reissue of Still.  Bernard Sumner's exquisitely extruded guitar leans forward to kiss, and simultaneously, Peter Hook's muscular bass approaches gently from behind to caress; I, the delirious object in the middle, swoon. Annoyingly, this delicious moment, that has me reaching for the repeat and high-speed dubbing functions of my mp3 player, comes at the very end of one of my least favourite Joy Division tracks, "Ice Age", throughout which Ian Curtis's voice falters (the track was subsequently omitted from the final setlist - a riled Curtis can be heard later saying "We're not playing it, no").  Probably a good thing, because the soundcheck of "Disorder" is one of my very favourite Joy Division tracks, behind only the album version, the revelatory (wall-of-)soundcheck to "A Means To An End" from the same disc, and several versions of "Isolation"; if it was, as it should have been, included as the introduction of the "Disorder" soundcheck, I would quite certainly play it to death (executive producers do sometimes need their heads testing when splitting and ordering tracks). I would perhaps even go as far as to fake my own death so as to hear it played at my funeral.

The latter refers to BUCK Magazine's Junior Fashion Editor.  I have no idea what the girl herself is like - I might be endorsing a complete bitch - but she has an absolutely glorious name.  From the moment I saw it on the Masthead of the first issue in November [2008], it has remained in my head, and on occasion since, involuntarily slips off the velvety tongue of that deep little voice in my head.  I read once that someone suggested the most beautiful sound in words to be "c'est la d'or", or "cellar door"; I would suggest "Celia-Jane Ukwenya" for its broader range, replete with the smooth edge of the "juh" and shimmering, dark emerald gloss of the "kwuh".  It is also, to my mind, the first time the name Jane sounded sexy since whoever first wrote about Tarzan.

In conclusion, whenever I feel like I want to die, I shall think of these two things and hopefully, all my depression will dissipate, unless I actually want to be depressed, which is another subject for another day.

Having met Celia-Jane Ukwenya since this stub was written, I can gladly say that she is a woman as beautiful as her name.